As time has gone on, the one thing that keeps going on is the pressure from the old church in one form or the other. Not intense as it was early in the summer, but a constant flow of quiet nuances, sometimes coming from those who wanted to hurt us at that old church and at other times from those who are coming into our lives because of their hurts at the same hands at that church.

As I drive along lately I find myself cringing as I see more and more signs springing up in the front of churches proclaiming -- "Counselors here to help you" -- counseling is a business, and a fast growing one. Peacemaker is a business, they need to find conflict to survive and make money. Combine that with a church and leadership that has gone a bit off and you are courting a disaster.

Often when one first encounters church or pastor abuse, you will find that many people will look at you, the abused, as someone who must have done something wrong. Surely it couldn't be one-sided, there has to be a shared blame. Only until someone finds himself/herself in your situation, one of abuse, will one finally understand that it can be one-sided and that because it is done by a pastor, it is just harder to comprehend how it can be.....

Every morning I wake up and tell myself that I will think no more of what happened to my son, my husband and myself over the summer at our old church. I tell myself that it is over and done and that our lives need to move forward. While we are moving forward, I don't think to stop telling about the hazards of what is happening under the false pretenses of peacemaking is what is meant to be. Everyday there seems to be something new to remind me of what happened there. A phone call from someone, an e-mail or perhaps someone we bump into.

One of the things that I had noticed over the past several years at my former church was that there were more and more people whose eyes somehow looked different. Especially the pastor's eyes.

Do you know little of what is going on in your church or community or are you aware of the behind the scene decisions? Do you want to know or do you just find yourself trusting that leaders are going to be honest with you? Surely because they are your leaders that they are going to be honest with you.

This is one of the major human failings I believe, that we forget and let others decide for us. We need to never forget or get so complacent that we forget that they are mere humans and because of that they are often times dishonest, bumbling and self protecting. Of course we are all the same, and every single moment we need to remember this.

When it comes to.....

"It was once said that the moral test of government is how that government treats those who are in the dawn of life, the children; those who are in the twilight of life, the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life, the sick, the needy and the handicapped.” Hubert H. Humphrey

I have to add not only a moral test of governments but churches as well. With a recent Sunday set aside to bring into view life and even being called the Sanctity of Human life Sunday, the things that I have learned about over the past year made me even more aware than ever of how often people look at the beginning of life and not the end. Of how people often times discount those that are considered to be older, the senior citizens in our lives. Often some forget that the seasoned citizens know so much and can teach all of us so much. They are pushed away, told that they are no longer needed, or at least not for most things. Instead of Peacemaker seminars training "teams" to guard a church, perhaps the best peacemaking of all would be to train teams to love all people, the young and old, the alive and the barely alive. If there were teams such as this, there would be no need for teams to enforce the peace.

Because of the events that took place over the summer that my previous post reflects on, policies at my former church have been changed or are in the process of changing. Why do I care? I'm not sure. I guess that after being there for as long as I was, I can't help but think about some of the people at that church who have not an idea of what is happening right under their noses. Then there are those people who chose to ignore it under the pretense of protecting that church. They are fooling themselves. A church should not be filled with stories meant to cover the truth of what is truly happening there. It should also not be one of peacekeeping teams meant to help hide that truth. Made up of good people who are now finding themselves making up stories to cover up the ugly truth, in not only our situation but others that are happening there. Good people whom I love and know that their hearts have to be aching for the things that they are doing for the "good" of the church. Or perhaps it is an ache in me that wonders how these people of whom I thought I knew can truly believe that what they have done and are doing is right.