As time has gone on, the one thing that keeps going on is the pressure from the old church in one form or the other. Not intense as it was early in the summer, but a constant flow of quiet nuances, sometimes coming from those who wanted to hurt us at that old church and at other times from those who are coming into our lives because of their hurts at the same hands at that church.

Those coming into our lives, the ones that we see who have been so hurt, are the hardest to see. Those that hurt us will have to deal with what happened in their own way, but the knowledge of how so many have been hurt in the name of God is what is most hard to take. It is that constant reminder that there is something so very wrong happening there, something dark.

While I said certain words in the beginning of this ordeal, I now hear those same words coming to us by others who had "the experience" at that church. Abuse, violation, darkness, evil, shadows -- words that I realize are not unique to my family or me now that I have heard others say them. Words about things that should not have a place on this earth that God has blessed us with.

Things that I told those councils are coming true.

If they look at the many papers we wrote to them this past summer they will see things said in them that are happening right at this very moment. Programs like Peacemaker or mediation companies encouraging the silencing of those being hurt. Those voices are now crying for help but are unable to be heard because of signed papers. Mediation companies coming more into play to make the ones who don't quite "understand," "understand." How many more broken hearts will it take before they see? If they want to know what has truly happened, put an announcement in the bulletin and ask for those who have been hurt through these procedures to come forth in open fashion with the assurance that all contracts requiring them to be silent are null and void. Ask to see the papers that I wrote to them, I am not ashamed of the things that I wrote.

I remember in the early part of the turmoil, one amongst the leadership told me that the reason for requiring the signing of the legal papers in the "Peacemaking process" with mediation companies was for protection in case someone committed suicide after the procedures. Tell me, please, someone, tell me how anyone can promote a program that needs signed papers to avoid legalities should someone commit suicide. How can anyone endorse this in a church? How can they call this peacemaking? Tell me, oh tell me, please, I want to understand, so that I can put this aching heart to rest.

For how long will those who have been hurt there remain silent? I don't know. Maybe forever, maybe only until tomorrow? When the time is right all will come out. Remaining silent will only hurt all. Remaining silent will only let that poor church careen down the path it is on, a path away from the freedom of the Gospel and into the bondage of legalism and fear. I am crying out in hopes that all churches will witness this destructive path my old church is on and learn from it. Programs that silence the abuse are only protecting the abuser. How many tears will have to be shed, how many hearts broken, how many souls scarred before this insanity stops?

Our experience has taught us many things, and shown us many things. For those of you going through this kind of ordeal, keep your eyes looking forward, God will get you through. I pray that you too find a lovely church home full of understanding hearts and the preaching of God's word to listening ears. I hesitate to call it preaching at our new church, it is more like listening each Sunday to letters from God to each of us. I find myself mesmerized with the service there, pure and simple worship at it's finest. I have learned so much and feel surrounded by the peace of grace. I had not realized how for so long that was missing from my life.

"Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall inherit the earth;" I pray that it is the right peacemakers who inherit this earth and not some church peacemaking team who only want to control. To those who are reading this, stand alert, remember to question things that seem odd. As John 3:20-21 says, "For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they may have been done in God." -- May God help us all.